


Owner of a Broken Heart

by Katef



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, First Time, M/M, Other, Partner Betrayal, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-18
Packaged: 2019-06-13 03:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15355209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katef/pseuds/Katef
Summary: My first completed TS fic, it was inspired by Fluterbev's wonderfully angsty 'Father's Day' and 'Routine', except in this version Jim and Blair have never been lovers, although Blair is looking to remedy that situation......





	Owner of a Broken Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Elaine, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Artifact Storage Room 3](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Artifact_Storage_Room_3) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Artifact Storage Room 3’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/artifactstorageroom3/profile).
> 
> **Author's notes:**
> 
> Enormous gratitude to Fluterbev for not only letting me play with her idea, but also for her welcome support and helpful suggestions.
> 
> All mistakes are down to me.
> 
> Title taken from the lyrics of 'Owner of a Lonely Heart' by Yes.

**Owner of a Broken Heart**   


**Chapter 1** _(Post TS by BS: - Scene back at the loft after the “badge” offer in the bullpen. Blair has driven Jim and Naomi home, and is too excited and overwhelmed to notice the charged atmosphere….)_  


“I can’t believe it, man!” exclaimed Blair yet again. 

Both Jim and Naomi couldn’t help but smile fondly at the young man, whose smile and genuine happiness was only too obvious, particularly as it went some way towards replacing the signs of bone-deep weariness and distress which had plagued him for so many months. 

This growing unhappiness had not just followed the press conference and its fall-out, but had its origins from as far back as the night when Jim reacted so badly after reading the first chapter of the dissertation. The growing rift between them, and the subsequent disastrous miscommunication over Alex Barnes which led to Blair’s drowning appeared at last to be in the first stages of the healing process. 

As Blair almost bounced into the kitchen to put the kettle on for tea, he couldn’t keep the grin from his face as he dared to hope that perhaps he might now get the opportunity to finally confess to Jim how much he loved the Sentinel, not simply as a dissertation subject, or even as best friend and roomie, but as a future life partner. Although not completely certain of the depth Jim’s feelings for him, he decided that the badge offer, even if it ultimately turned out to be unworkable, must surely be proof that Jim had forgiven him and was prepared to at least consider him as a permanent partner in some capacity. 

Humming happily, he reached for the cups and tea bags, and turned back to ask Jim and his Mom what kind of tea they would prefer. He froze in place, with eyes widening in shock, as he took in the scene before him. Jim and Naomi were pressed close together, with their arms about each others’ waists, gazing from him to each other. Both faces reflected their feelings for each other, whilst touched by a little uncertainty and fleeting anxiety while they read his reaction. 

When he could drag in enough breath to speak, Blair croaked out, “What’s going on Jim – Mom? Is there something I should know here? Tell me this doesn’t mean what I think it does?” 

“Oh Sweetie, I know this has to be a shock for you, but surely you can see how much Jim means to me? Please be happy for us, baby. We want to make this permanent. Marriage and a complete family at last – isn’t it wonderful? I know that becoming a police officer was hardly your first choice – becoming a policeman’s wife wasn’t in my wildest imaginings either,” Naomi replied, laughing merrily. “But now we can stay together and make a proper home for ourselves…!” 

As she continued to speak, she approached Blair with hands outstretched, preparing to give him a hug, but paused with a confused expression when Blair backed away sharply enough to collide with the countertop. Jim put his hand out to gently restrain her advance, while his face became more and more clouded with worry. He could actually smell his Guide’s misery and hurt, whilst noting the pounding heartbeat and growing devastation on the expressive face. ‘Oh shit’, he thought. ‘How the hell could I have missed this?’ 

“Blair – Chief – Look I realise this has upset you, but if you had been around the loft more recently you’d have realised that Naomi has become more important to me – has been for some time really--” 

“Oh, so it’s _my_ fault I haven’t been around to witness her latest conquest, then, is it?” Blair snapped, unable to contain his hurt and humiliation, and retaliating with anger. 

“Did it occur to you that I was making myself scarce so as not to be constantly in your face? Man, I thought you still couldn’t stand to have me around so much, even if you did accept my pathetic attempt to fix things for you. How was I supposed to know that you two were developing your own little love-nest here? Gods, Naomi, how could you…?” 

Feeling his eyes filling with tears he was way too humiliated to shed in front of them, Blair swung away from the couple and more or less ran to his little room under the stairs. ‘Not mine for much longer – huh!’ he thought to himself, as he grabbed his backpack and stuffed a few extra items into his ‘escape bag’. Rushing out again, head down, he scurried to the bathroom to pack up his few toiletries, then turned for the door to grab his coat and car keys and make his escape. There he found his path blocked by his Sentinel, who was holding both hands out in a conciliatory gesture. 

“Wait, Chief, don’t run out on me – us- like this! We never intended to _hurt_ you – I thought you’d be pleased. At least give us your blessing…it means so much to your Mom--! 

“Gods! How can you stand there and ask that of me? Do you have _any_ idea what I’m feeling?” Blair gasped. “No, obviously not,” he muttered, answering himself, but not quietly enough for sentinel hearing to miss. “Why the hell should you know or care? It’s not as if you know me at all even after four years. I can’t believe I’m so stupid; so blind!” 

“No, hardly stupid, Blair,” answered Jim quietly. “I guess it’s me who couldn’t see what was in front of my face. I’m sorry, Chief”. 

“Well, you got yourself one Sandburg, at least,” sighed Blair dejectedly, stepping around Jim to reach for the door. 

“Sweetie, where are you going?” queried Naomi, moving to Jim’s side and taking his arm, even as she reached the other out for her son. “You _have_ to stay for the _wedding_ , at least,” she said, self-centred to the last. “It would mean so much to me….” 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” replied Blair stiffly. “It’s always been about you after all,” he muttered, _sotto voce._ “Sorry, but I can’t face this now – I’ve got to go – find somewhere to hole up and process this. Tell Simon thanks from me for the offer, but I don’t think that’s going to happen now. See you sometime – maybe,” and with that he bolted out of the door and ran for the stairs, unwilling to wait for the ancient elevator to wheeze its way up to the third floor. 

Gritting his teeth, Jim forced himself to listen to his guide’s pounding heartbeat and muffled sobs, and smell the saline from the tears he could no longer hold back. Limping to the balcony, he looked down in time to watch Blair throw his few belongings into the back of the old Volvo, and climb into the driver’s seat. With one final glance up at the building, Blair turned his tear-streaked face away and gunned the engine, which for once started first time without complaint. Seconds later he was driving away as fast as he could safely manage whilst desperately attempting to cope with both traffic regulations and eyes partly blinded with the unceasing flow. 

As soon as the small green car was out of range of even sentinel vision, Jim turned back and re-entered the loft. He was uneasily aware that he’d handled a delicate situation less that tactfully, although he hadn’t counted on Naomi’s blunt, head-on approach which, deep down, he reluctantly realised was a product of her single-minded capacity to blithely ignore any ‘negative vibes’ which could impinge on her comfort zone. Once again he briefly pondered on why he was so attracted (OK, besotted) with this woman, but before he could come up with any rational response, he was distracted by her taking his arm again and leading him to the sofa. 

“Jim, dear,” she trilled, waving her hands in the air above him. “You have to rest that leg – you haven’t even _begun_ to heal properly yet, and you won’t if you don’t relax and let me take care of you. Don’t worry,” she continued blithely. “Blair will soon come round and realise that this was meant to be. Then he’ll be back to apologise for his outburst and give us his blessing like he knows he should. He’s just feeling a little unsure right now…” 

Turning away, she returned to the kitchen to make the tea which stood forgotten on the counter.  


\------------------------  


**Chapter 2 – The Accident**  


Blair drove for some time without direction or conscious goal until he gradually became aware that night was falling and he was getting low on fuel. Mentally shaking himself, and wiping his eyes and nose yet again on his sleeve, he grimaced when his memory conjured up the image of a very young Blair trying to come to terms with leaving yet another temporary home after Naomi had decided to move on to pastures new. Chastising himself harshly for allowing himself to think of the loft as a proper home, a few more tears leaked from his puffy eyes. 

“Gods,” he muttered to himself. “Get over it will you? Enough of the pity party. Just get your act together and make some decisions, will you?” 

Even as he said it, he knew it would be a long time before he could consider anything half rationally, so concentrated instead on finding a gas station where he could fill up and also use the facilities to tidy up a bit if he could be bothered. 

Pulling in to the first gas station he saw, he filled up the tank mechanically, paid up with his last few loose dollars, and splashed some water on his red and swollen eyes at the fairly clean hand basin in the gents’ toilet. On the road once again, he realised belatedly that he had been heading down the coast roads towards California, so decided he may as well continue in that direction. He remembered having some good times there in his childhood, and it was as good a place as any to hide out and lick his wounds. Warm as well..! Perhaps he would stop in San Francisco, or maybe keep going until he hit San Diego, Tijuana or Baja. 

He had no illusions that the gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to be would be filled in any time soon, and resolutely tried to wrench his thoughts away from Cascade and his Sentinel, and so many unfulfilled dreams. 

Some miles further on, still travelling down the Oregon coast and with night falling fast, he was startled by the oncoming high beams of a semi, which he belatedly realised was weaving over his side of the road. Horn blaring, he wrenched at the steering wheel in an attempt to get out of the truck’s path, only to lurch over the hard shoulder and down the embankment on the roadside, to slam against a tree with bone-shaking force. Bounced against the steering wheel, with head striking the side window, he came to an abrupt stop, and everything went black. 

Screeching to a halt on the other side of the road, Bob Wilkinson, the driver of the semi, (who had been at the point of falling asleep at the wheel), jerked awake with a string of curses when he saw the small green Volvo disappear down the embankment. Clutching his cell phone, he climbed down from the cab and hurried to the roadside while dialling 911. Moments later the operator was confirming the dispatch of police and emergency services, and the shaken driver climbed down to peer in to the battered vehicle. Seeing that the young man hunched in the driving seat was unconscious, and bleeding heavily from a scalp wound, he cursed again, and guiltily admitted to himself that he really should have taken the opportunity to have a nap at the last truck stop. It was the promise of a comfortable bed and his wife’s willing body which had swayed him from the sensible course, and now this young guy was paying the price for his stupidity. 

Knowing that there was nothing he could do until the medics arrived, he listened anxiously for approaching sirens. 

Barely ten minutes later (although it seemed like hours to Bob) a patrol car arrived, closely followed by an ambulance and fire truck. After consulting with the EMTs, Blair was gently eased out from the wreck, and placed on a back board for transportation to the nearest hospital at Reedsport. While the medics worked on the young man in preparation for transportation, Bob distractedly answered the patrol officers’ questions regarding the cause of the accident, and was shaken enough to admit that the blame was his, and that he had all but fallen asleep at the wheel. 

In retrospect, he might have considered that he may have been a little too forthcoming with his confession, but, as a fundamentally decent man, deep down he recognised that the fault was his, and he was lucky that the other driver at least survived so far. 

Meanwhile, Blair arrived at the ER, where he was examined prior to being admitted to the ward. The young doctor in attendance called for X rays on the patient’s chest where he had impacted with the steering wheel, and also his right leg, which had been crushed against the dash after the buckling of the car had pushed the foot well inwards. A CT scan was also scheduled to check out the patient’s skull for possible brain injury, since the freely-bleeding scalp wound covered a significant lump just above the left temple area. 

Once all the procedures were complete, Blair was prepped for the OR, where a pin was inserted into his shattered right femur, and several cracked ribs were treated. The scalp wound was stitched, and careful watch was called for to detect any signs of internal bleeding or swelling of the brain. 

Once admitted on to the ward, attached to various IVs and monitors, he remained deeply unconscious, while the patrol officers attempted to contact the person named on the card in his wallet as his emergency contact, one James Joseph Ellison.  


\--------------------------  


**Chapter 3 – Ill News:**  


The shrilling of the telephone in the loft had Jim struggling stiffly to his feet from where he was still slumped downstairs on the sofa. Naomi had eventually retired upstairs to bed, fretfully complaining about his decision to stay awake to await the return of Blair, whom he was convinced would be back after several hours alone blowing off steam. 

Still unwilling to concede that the young man’s feelings for him were apparently so very deep, Jim did his best to deny similar feelings for his Guide. For god’s sake, he wasn’t gay – not even bi, although he quickly pushed that uncomfortable thought aside. And he hadn’t even considered that Blair ‘Table Leg’ Sandburg could possibly be anything other than whole-heartedly heterosexual. No matter that he’d caught the whiff of pheromones on occasion when he and Blair rough-housed good-naturedly in the loft or bullpen. Surely that must be due to Blair thinking about some long-legged beauty in admin? ‘Yeah, right! Keep telling yourself that, Ellison!’ 

Meanwhile, he persuaded his inner self that he had made the right choice in Naomi, even to the point of forgiving her for her major role in ruining her son’s academic career, and putting his and his fellow officers’ lives in danger. So convinced was he that she was ‘the one’, that, despite the tiny niggling voice in the depths of his conscience, he simply could not conceive of her not being accepted by his friends in Major Crimes, as much as her son had been. 

Staggering to his feet, and realising incidentally that it was broad daylight, Jim grabbed the receiver and barked, “Ellison”, only to be taken aback by the voice of some Oregon Highway Patrol guy asking him if he was acquainted with a Blair Sandburg. On confirming this, he was horrified to hear that said Blair Sandburg was currently in hospital in Reedsport, OR, seriously injured following a car crash, and could he, James Ellison, provide details of medical insurance, etc? 

A few minutes later, having ascertained exactly where his guide had been taken, he was on the phone again to Simon Banks to give him the unwelcome news, and to tell him that he was on his way to Oregon, and could Simon please inform the rest of Major Crimes? 

Putting down the phone after this second call, Jim called up to Naomi, who was peering over the rails at the bed head, with the news that he was on his way to see Blair at the hospital, and, if she wanted to accompany him, she should get herself ready a.s.a.p. With a startled gasp, Naomi withdrew into the bedroom to throw on some clothing and grab her car keys, since there was no way Jim was in any condition to drive the truck. 

With little further ado, the pair set out to see their son and guide, not without worried (and guilty) feelings on Jim’s part, and worried (and something akin to irritation for the inconvenience) feelings on Naomi’s part. 

Whilst she undoubtedly loved her son as much as she was able, sometimes she had to consciously stop herself from pondering occasionally just how much of an inconvenience he had been from the outset, when his birth had curtailed so much of her travelling and enjoyment. But of _course_ she wasn’t self-centred, oh no! It was simply a mother’s lot to give up so much for her child. The least said child could do on hearing that his mother was to wed her chosen partner, was to be happy for them…. 

Unaware of his intended’s internal argument, Jim concentrated on breathing deeply, and trying to sense his Guide, having finally, albeit unwillingly, been convinced by both Blair and Incacha (although he claimed to believe otherwise) that the Sentinel / Guide connection should be strong enough to feel each other’s pain. Coming up with a worrying blank, he was convinced that Blair must be at least unconscious, if not worse. 

“Please, Blair, be OK, kid,” he murmured to himself over and over in his own personal mantra. 

Meanwhile, once he had gotten over his shock at the news, Simon called the MCU to pass on the horrific details that their favourite anthropologist and trouble magnet was once again in hospital. Joel Taggart, acting captain while Simon remained on sick leave, was immediately besieged for information by the other detectives once the news broke. 

Deeply fond of the young man, Joel had already decided to take the trip to Oregon to assure himself that Blair would recover and return to take up his position as Jim’s official partner in Major Crimes. The genial African American had developed a genuine affection for the young man after Blair had helped him overcome his insecurities as Captain of the Bomb Squad following his attempts to disarm Lee Brackett’s explosive devices. 

Although not officially ‘in the know’ as regards Jim’s Sentinel abilities, Joel was no slouch in the detection department, and, like Megan Connor, had figured out for himself that there was more to the ‘fake’ dissertation than meets the eye. 

Likewise he was well aware that Blair had some special role to play in helping Ellison to use his ‘gifts’ properly, and for that alone he deserved the respect of all at the PD. Add to that the difference his presence had made to the attitude of one ‘hard-ass’ Jim, and Joel figured they should all be clubbing together to give Sandburg a medal. 

Having filled in the rest of the MC detectives with as much information as he had, Joel hurried towards the door to be confronted by Megan Connor returning from the break room. 

The Aussie Inspector had been passed fit for light duty after her shoulder wound, so, bored with sitting at home, had taken herself back to the MCU to tackle some paperwork if nothing else. Catching the tail-end of the conversation, she immediately proposed accompanying Joel on his trip to the Reedsport hospital, so the pair set out to follow in the wake of Jim and Naomi. 

During the drive, Joel aired his worries about Blair’s health, and couldn’t help but speculate on the reasons for the young man being in Oregon in the first place, as well as the true extent of his role as Jim’s partner. 

Filled with a growing anger on Blair’s behalf, and believing that she had a pretty good idea of what had driven the young man to make his ill-fated trip, Megan shared what she knew of the partnership. She assuaged her guilt in sharing such sensitive information by recalling without difficulty the miserable way that Jim had treated his Guide before and during the Barnes fiasco, having herself witnessed his pawing over the female sentinel whilst Megan and Blair knelt, securely bound on the temple floor. 

Added to that the insensitive way Jim (and the rest of the department, truth be told) treated Blair after the Ventriss case and right up to the release of the dissertation itself, and her blood boiled in sympathy for her dear friend, one who was undoubtedly one of the sweetest men she had ever known. 

Although not previously aware of the full extent of the information set out before him, Joel recognised that his gut instinct as regards the Sentinel / Guide partnership had been right on the nail, and was therefore justifiably (in his eyes) infuriated on behalf of his young friend. 

Having admitted the same, he told Megan that he fully intended to take Blair home with him to recover on the young man’s release from hospital if he could convince the anthropologist to leave the loft. Connor willingly agreed to add her powers of persuasion to Joel’s if it would keep Jim away from Blair, since she was more and more of the opinion that the partnership was bordering on abusive, if not there already. 

Allied by their shared indignation on Blair’s behalf as well as by their mutual liking and respect for each other, the two detectives continued their journey to the hospital.  


\---------------------  


**Chapter 4 – A Rude Awakening:**  


Several hours later, Blair swam reluctantly back to consciousness, simultaneously wishing he could cling to the comforting pain-free darkness that was gradually receding from his grasp. Breathing deeply in an attempt to control the growing discomfort nagging at him, he coughed raggedly and moaned softly from the soreness of his dry throat. 

Immediately there was a gentle hand on his forehead, and a well-known voice asked him if he wanted some ice chips to suck. He instinctively turned his head into the caress, only to be betrayed by re-emerging memories of the last time he had heard those tones. 

Horrified, he finally opened his eyes to see Jim and Naomi seated at his bedside, both looking weary and concerned. Abruptly pulling his face away from Jim’s hand, he tried to voice his distress, only to find he was unable to utter anything more than a pained moan. 

Growing more and more distraught from his feelings of weakness and inability to articulate that he didn’t want to see either of them in the near future, his whimpering coupled with the accelerated beeping of the various monitors drew the attention of his nurse, who arrived at the double to see what was upsetting her patient. 

Seeing the young man shaking his head weakly, and moaning in pain and distress, she demanded that both Jim and Naomi vacate the room immediately. Furious, Jim refused to leave, aided and abetted by Naomi, who could not conceive of a situation where she couldn’t visit her own son. 

“You have no right to ask us to leave,” snarled Jim, falling into his best intimidate-the-perp mode. “I’m his partner, and have his Power of Attorney. Not only that, but this is his mother, so we won’t be going anywhere soon!” 

Unfazed, the nurse responded in kind. “I don’t care if you two are the King and Queen of England!” she snapped. “You are upsetting my patient, and if you don’t leave this room right now, I’ll be calling the doctor and security!” 

Drawing himself up to his full height, Jim was about to respond when he became aware of Naomi’s tugging at his sleeve. Looking down he saw his Guide in the first stages of a panic attack the magnitude of which he hadn’t seen in a couple of years. 

As the battered young man began to hyperventilate, the doctor burst into the room in response to the uproar and immediately demanded for the room to be cleared. 

Belatedly recognising that further argument could lead to a total ban on access to his Guide, Jim finally let his common sense over-rule his temper and submitted to being escorted from the room by a second nurse. 

Taking Naomi’s arm, he guided them both to a couple of semi-comfortable chairs in the waiting area, and settled down to bide his time until he could see his Guide again. 

Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to confront the situation as he understood it. His Guide was clearly distressed to the point of actually fleeing from Jim’s presence, if his physical condition had allowed, and he reluctantly admitted that this state of affairs disturbed him to the depths of his soul. 

Distracted briefly from his dismal thoughts by Naomi’s light grip on his forearm, he concentrated instead on listening in to the bustling within Blair’s small room. 

A few minutes later, a small disturbance alerted the Sentinel to another, more familiar, presence, and he glanced up to see Joel and Megan marching purposefully down the corridor towards them. Neither smiled at him, something he found vaguely disturbing, because although in all honesty he couldn’t claim to expect any overt friendship from Connor, he was taken aback by the scowl on the normally genial Taggart’s round face. 

His suspicions were confirmed when, virtually ignoring his presence, Megan demanded of Naomi which room her son was in. A reply became redundant when a door opened and Blair’s doctor came out and addressed them. 

“Mr Ellison, Ms Sandburg. I am Doctor Morrison. I have to tell you that although Blair has settled down somewhat, he is still very upset, and has indicated to me that he does not wish to see you. I am aware of your contact status, but I should advise you that you will not be admitted again unless Mr Sandburg specifically requests it. Although not able to articulate his desires, he is nevertheless completely aware of his surroundings, so, pending a further assessment by the hospital psychiatrist, it is best if you refrain from upsetting him any more tonight. Perhaps you can call the hospital for an update in the morning?” That said, he turned to go, only to be grabbed and spun round by an irate Sentinel. 

“Who the _Hell_ do you think you’re talking to?” he demanded. “I’m his partner, and this is his mother!” 

Refusing to be intimidated by the larger man, Doctor Morrison shrugged his arm out of Jim’s hold and stepped back. However, before he could respond, Joel Taggart stepped forward, blocking Jim’s path, while Megan, smiling winningly at the doctor, spoke for them. “Doctor Morrison, I apologise on behalf of Cascade PD for Detective Ellison’s behaviour. I realise he’s concerned about Sandy. However, Blair is also very important to me and Captain Taggart here, so we’d really appreciate it if we could see him for ourselves – just for a moment? I promise that we’ll leave immediately if he gets distressed in any way.” 

Glancing uncertainly between one and the other, Doctor Morrison considered his reply. Finally he spoke. “While I stand by what I told Detective Ellison and Ms Sandburg, I am prepared to let you and Captain Taggart in to see Blair briefly. However, I must reiterate that any sign of distress from my patient and you _will_ have to leave immediately.” 

“Thank you, Doctor,” responded Joel with a smile. “That will be perfectly acceptable. We have absolutely no wish to hurt Blair any more than he has been already,” – that last uttered with a sidelong glance at the fuming Sentinel. 

With a nod, Doctor Morrison accompanied Joel and Megan to the small side ward where Blair lay half-asleep and dopey from a recently administered small dose of sedative. 

After a moment or two, Blair gradually became aware of another presence in the room, only this time the faint, inexplicable feeling of dread was absent. Forcing his reluctant eyes to open, and squinting in the artificial light overhead, he finally made out the forms of Megan and Joel, and his heart filled with gratitude for their effort in visiting him. Unable to prevent a few tears from leaking out from under his eyelids, he weakly held out his hand towards them, only to have it grasped gently in Joel’s large paw. 

“Hey Sandy,” said Megan quietly, “How’re you doing? Only you could be so bloody daft as to get hit by a truck, huh?” she added with a gentle smile. 

Blair’s mouth twitched at the corner in an attempt at an answering grin, but otherwise he remained silently gazing at them, his eyes and expressive face telegraphing his pleasure and gratitude at seeing them. 

After a moment, Joel spoke. “Blair, son. I don’t know what’s been going on between you and Ellison, but I just want you to know that you have a place with me to recuperate while you decide what you want to do. If the badge option is not for you, so be it, but we both need you to know that you have friends who won’t see you hanging out to dry.” 

Seeing the rising emotions in his young friend’s face he added quickly, “You don’t have to decide right now – nobody’s going to force you. Just know that we’re here for you, and if you want us to, we’ll stay here until you’re ready for transport to Cascade General. Once you’re released from there, I’ll take you home with me, OK?” 

He and Megan were rewarded by a gentle and grateful smile and a soundless “Thank you,” before the young man drifted once more into welcome oblivion. 

He barely heard the quiet but genuine response from the Aussie Inspector. “No worries, mate…no worries at all!”  


\--------------------------  


The following day saw yet more conflict in the hospital, but thankfully this time mostly outside of Blair’s room. 

Jim and Naomi arrived early in the morning after spending a somewhat uncomfortable night in a local motel room. Jim had spent much of the night pacing round the room (at least, as much as his healing leg would allow him) while Naomi alternately tried to persuade him to either come to bed or to sit down and meditate with her in an attempt to unravel her son’s unexpected behaviour. 

Needless to say, neither option appealed to the distraught Sentinel, so Naomi was left to meditate on her own, with less than satisfactory results. 

On their arrival they were informed that Captain Taggart and Inspector Connor were already in Blair’s room, and had spoken to Doctor Morrison regarding Blair’s transport from Reedsport hospital to Cascade General. Furthermore, Dr Morrison mentioned that Blair would be going to the Captain’s house in Cascade for recuperation upon his release. 

Unsurprisingly, Jim erupted and burst into the small room to confront both his colleagues and his Guide, and was mortified when Blair cringed in overt distress and tried to pull away from his Sentinel. 

More upsetting yet was his apparent inability to speak, and the keening sound he continued to make sawed across the Sentinel’s sensitive hearing like a badly-tuned violin. Backing away in bewildered defeat, Jim left the room to return to Naomi while determined to wait to confront both colleagues and medical staff out of the presence of his hurting Guide. 

Eventually Joel and Megan emerged from Blair’s room, once the young man had finally fallen asleep, worn out by the earlier confrontation. Approaching the waiting area, they indicated to Jim and Naomi that they should move to the Doctor’s small office for a consultation. 

Once seated in that cramped space, Doctor Morrison began by offering coffee. He continued by stating the case as he saw it, whilst admitting that this meeting was unofficial. 

Despite that fact, he hoped that an amicable agreement could be reached which would satisfy all concerned, at least insofar as reaching an understanding as to what course of action would be of most benefit to the patient. 

Whilst admitting that Detective Ellison had Blair’s Power of Attorney, it was blatantly obvious to all parties through the young man’s wordless, but easily deciphered, communication, that he didn’t wish to return to Cascade with Ellison and Naomi. It was equally obvious that he was prepared to return to Captain Taggart’s house until he was recovered enough to make a firm decision regarding his future. 

In the face of such pressure, not the least from the voiceless pleading from his Guide, Jim reluctantly submitted to the majority. The capitulation was aided and abetted by Naomi’s stance, which, though inexplicable to the Sentinel, was apparently recognised by the more cynical Connor. Megan was convinced that she understood the reasons why Naomi was fully prepared to let Blair have his own way. After all, isn’t that what an ‘enlightened’ parent would do? And if it just so happened that it conveniently removed his disproving presence from the loft so that she could relax into and enjoy her upcoming nuptials and new life with Jim, then so be it. 

Thus it was that Jim (reluctantly) and Naomi (not so much) returned to Cascade to plan their wedding, unaccompanied by their son / Guide.  


\-------------------------  


**Chapter 5 – Return to Cascade:**  


Some days later Blair was deemed fit enough to transport back to Cascade General, although his injured leg, sore ribs, and head wound ensured he would have a few more days there before being released. Also, he had yet to speak properly, although he communicated easily enough with a combination of written notes, gestures and signs. 

Both hospitals’ psychiatrists had expressed concerns regarding this phenomenon, but with no evidence of actual physical brain damage, they could not justify delaying the young man’s release for this reason since he was more than capable of making himself understood non-verbally. However, both stressed the importance of seeing appropriate therapists as soon as possible, since there was obvious mental trauma to be considered. 

On top of everything else, Blair was growing increasingly upset about the mounting medical bills, so Joel and Megan were more than prepared to plead his case for release. 

Although duty had required that both Megan and Joel had had to return to the MCU, both managed to be at the hospital to pick up their friend to take him back to Joel’s home where the older man had already unpacked the few possessions which had been salvaged from the wrecked Volvo. 

Loading Blair, plus crutches and a bagful of medication into Joel’s sedan, the trio set off on their short trip out to Cascade’s suburbs. 

On arrival at Joel’s comfortable bungalow, Megan, armed with the bag of medications and instruction sheet from the hospital, saw Blair settled snugly into Joel’s guest room. 

By this time, the Guide was almost asleep, and virtually unaware of his surroundings, so Joel said goodnight to Connor, turned on the TV, and planned his course of care for the anthropologist, whilst mulling over what options he and his contacts could come up with for the young man’s future. 

Early the following morning, Joel was awakened from a deep and dreamless sleep by wordless moans issuing from his guest room. Tiptoeing in, he carefully shook the young man awake in an effort to dispel any lingering nightmare as gently as possible, and went to the kitchen to brew fresh coffee. 

Returning a few minutes later, he handed a fresh cup to his guest, along with a handful of pills, which he _persuaded_ his charge to take under pain of death (or tickling – whatever it took.) A couple of hours later Megan rang to say that she had explained the whole situation to the rest of MC, and that H and Rafe had volunteered to fetch the rest of Blair’s belongings from the loft, and would it be OK for them to be stored at Joel’s place for the time being? 

Joel naturally agreed; since he secretly hoped he could keep Blair to himself for a while, and settled down to await the arrival of his young lodger’s boxes. 

Megan had taken it upon herself to ring the loft to warn Jim and Naomi of H and Rafe’s impending visit to collect Blair’s things. She was hardly surprised when a furious Ellison snatched the phone from Naomi’s hand and snarled that NOONE had better set foot in his loft without his explicit permission. Megan’s reply was immediate and unrelenting. 

“Sure thing, you bloody drongo! So who are you to deny Blair his personal belongings? Get over yourself, you stupid bugger and start thinking of your Guide for a change”. 

Gritting his teeth, Jim ground out, “Low blow, Connor. It may surprise you to know that I think a good deal about my Guide--” 

“Yeah, enough to rut with that Barnes bitch in front of him!” came the unforgiving reply, before the phone was uncompromisingly slammed down on him. 

Hearing Naomi’s soft query, Jim could hardly bring himself to answer. Suffice it to say, that when H and Rafe arrived less than an hour later, Jim Ellison had stormed from the loft beset by unwanted feelings of anger, grief and guilt. It was either that or resort to possible bloodshed, so that Naomi was left to try and reason with the vengeful Harpy named Megan Connor. 

H and Rafe glanced at each other with eye-rolling grimaces as Megan pulled no punches in letting Blair’s mother know what she thought of the Ellison-Sandburg domestic situation, which resulted in Naomi’s reaching for her meditation candles and muttering, “I am letting this go,” under her breath.  


\--------------------------  


**Chapter 6 – Back in the Bullpen:**  


Several weeks later, fully restored to health, and quietly married to Naomi Sandburg, Jim returned to duty at MCU, to find that there was a distinctly cool attitude towards him. 

Falling back on the tried and tested Ellison Denial Mode, he refused to acknowledge the snide and, occasionally, openly vindictive comments regarding his treatment of his Guide, rather hugging his own aggrieved sense of injury to himself, and refusing to discuss Blair’s non-presence in the bullpen. 

He also found himself gradually forced to limit his use of his senses because of the increased possibility of zoning without Blair’s grounding presence. He had no desire to be on the receiving end of Connor’s less-than-gentle efforts to bring him out of these occasional trips to la-la land. Also, although not blatantly refusing backup for the former ‘Cop of the Year’ or otherwise endangering his person, (they were too professional for that) his colleagues were noticeably grudging in their moral support, and were less than civil in social circumstances that required the presence of the Sentinel and his new wife. 

Naomi, on the other hand, behaved as if blissfully unaware or uncaring of the disgruntled mutterings of colleagues and their partners, confidently voicing her opinion that their behaviour patterns were only to be expected from ‘pigs’. (No offence intended towards her new husband, of course). 

Consequently, she blithely flittered and fluttered her way through such occasions maintaining a superficial mixture of naïve new-age idealism and a bull-headed refusal to accept the disapproval of the department. 

Simon, finally back to full-time work, had had quite enough of the underlying resentment in his bullpen, and determined to get to the bottom of the situation. Although fond of Blair in his way, he was more than prepared to confront the anthropologist if it would lead to resolving the current ill-feeling towards his friend and, at present, virtually non-functioning, Sentinel. 

He was aware that Blair was still staying with Joel, and had not, apparently, yet decided on a course of action as regards his future. When asked, Joel patiently explained that there was no hurry, and that Blair had yet to come to terms with the situation with Jim and his mother. 

He also neglected to explain how he had finally discerned Blair’s true feelings for his Sentinel, which, far from causing Joel to feel disgusted, rather made him wish to rip out Ellison’s heart for being such an insensitive (hah!) jerk in regard to his Guide. 

Unconvinced, Simon nevertheless decided that only a face-to-face confrontation with the anthropologist would clear the air, so after work that evening he made his way to Joel’s neat bungalow in the Cascade suburbs. 

On arrival, Simon noted that Joel’s car wasn’t parked out front, so he assumed that the other man was running errands on the way home from the PD. Deciding that this would work to his advantage, Simon strode up the path and knocked on the front door. 

Moments later he was aware of an eye peering at him through the peephole in the door, followed by the release of the safety chain and the opening of the door. Stepping in to the small entrance hall, he looked down and took his first look at Blair since the unofficial ‘badge fiasco’ as he privately labelled it. 

Scowling unconsciously, he took in the young man’s pallid complexion and haggard features. Blair seemed to have shed far too many pounds in weight, and his normal shabby clothes hung in layers on his skinny frame. Long curls were scraped back severely and held with a leather tie to hang lifelessly down his back, far longer than Simon could ever recall seeing them. 

Too large eyes, flat and devoid of their normal sparkle, peered nervously up at Simon, while the young man’s hand – the one unencumbered by a walking stick - fluttered in agitation before settling on top of the other in front of him. No word was spoken, but Blair gazed inquisitively at his visitor, cocking his head to one side in a tacit request for an explanation. 

Altogether taken aback by the unexpectedly frail version of Blair standing before him, Simon nonetheless shook himself and prepared to confront the ex grad student regarding his apparent (to Simon) blatant disregard for his Sentinel’s function and safety. 

Drawing himself up to his full intimidating height, he began by demanding why the young man had thrown away his (Simon’s) hard-fought-for offer of a badge, and continued by berating the Guide for walking out on the department and his partnership with Jim. Increasing in ire and volume, he demanded to know what possessed Blair to throw his ‘best friend’ aside with no regard to the consequences. 

Completely oblivious of Blair’s undeclared feelings for Ellison, and totally disregarding the utter horror and hurt on his victim’s face, he advanced on the shocked and trembling young man backing away down the hallway until he found himself pulled up short by a furious Joel, whose face betrayed an anger greater than any Simon had ever witnessed in his friend and fellow captain. 

Confronted by such fury, he stepped back only to glance over at the huddled figure in the kitchen doorway. Blair was on his backside, cane lying beside him, hugging his torso and hyperventilating in the first stages of a full-scale panic attack. 

Turning his back on Simon, Joel immediately crouched down by the young man, instantly concerned with calming and controlling Blair’s desperate gasps and completely ignoring Simon, who had the decency to feel both redundant and ashamed to boot. 

A commotion behind him alerted Simon to the arrival of Megan, who had dropped in on one her regular visits to check on her favourite young friend. 

Unceremoniously pushing past her boss, she went down to her knees alongside Joel, and between them they hoisted the thin young man to his feet, to half-carry him to his room where Joel grabbed a paper bag and held it to Blair’s face. 

Once assured that the young man’s breathing was finally returning to normal, Megan rounded on her captain. Gazing at Simon with an implacable fury, she advised him to leave while the going was good, and before she said or did something she might regret later. 

Declaring that she had a proposal to put before him in the morning, she also returned to Blair’s bedside without a backward glance, leaving Simon in no doubt that he had both been dismissed from his friend’s house, and had badly mishandled his interview with Blair. 

With feelings of guilt and uncertainty warring within, he strode out to his car and drove home to mull over what he had seen and heard that evening.   


\------------------------  


**Chapter 7 – A New Opportunity:**  


On arriving at the MCU the following morning, Simon became immediately (and uneasily) aware of the Australian Inspector waiting outside his office. Ushering her inside, he closed the door behind them, lowering the blinds against inquisitive eyes in the bullpen, and offered his visiting detective a cup of freshly brewed coffee, courtesy of Rhonda, _secretary extraordinaire._

When she refused, he helped himself to one, and sat back to hear what she had to say, knowing full well that he wasn’t going to enjoy it, and grateful that Jim was testifying in court today, so wouldn’t be able to overhear their conversation. 

Megan began by describing how much she had come to dislike her position in MC. Whereas before she had relished the challenge of the many and varied cases worked with detectives she both liked and admired like H, Rafe and Joel (and particularly with a certain unpaid grad student observer), she had become disillusioned with the way that some members of the unit, and many in the PD itself, had reacted to the dissertation mess, and was furious with Jim’s worsening attitude towards his Guide. 

The final straw was his marriage to Naomi, with, in Megan’s view, no apparent effort made to approach Blair to attempt some level of explanation and reconciliation. 

The atmosphere in the bullpen had deteriorated to such a degree that she had decided to return to Australia to the police department in Canberra, New South Wales, and had already contacted her old boss to set things in motion. 

Disregarding Simon’s indrawn breath and astonished expression for the time being, she continued by describing how she had also suggested that her old department might be interested in employing a civilian anthropologist and profiler, especially since the one she had in mind already had several years of experience in a police department, and whose Masters degree was backed up with glowing references from Dr Eli Stoddard and a certain Jack Kelso amongst others. 

She finished by quietly thanking Captain Banks for a memorable experience in the Cascade PD, and advised him that she would let him know as soon as the final arrangements had been made. 

Wearily shaking his head, Simon suggested that, under the circumstances, she may as well take the day off, leaving him to come to terms with her proposition, and to inform the Chief of the forthcoming changes within the MCU. 

Nodding her acquiescence, Megan exited the office, abstractedly acknowledging the greetings from Rafe and H as she passed, to descend to the parking garage where she decided to drive to Joel’s house rather than her own apartment to break the news to Blair in person. 

As she drove, she reflected on the previous evening’s discussion between herself, Blair and Joel, where tentative suggestions had become concrete concepts, and details were ironed out in the concerted effort to provide viable choices for each of their futures.  


\----------------------  


**(Previous evening)** When the door had closed behind Simon, neither Joel nor Megan registered his absence immediately, rather concentrating all their attention on their young friend, who was finally showing signs of shaking off the impending panic attack. Gradually calming his breathing, an embarrassed Blair whispered his thanks and attempted to get to his feet. Gently taking his arms, his friends led him to the lounge where he was settled on the sofa with a bottle of water before they also sat themselves down at each side of him. 

“Bloody hell, Sandy,” Megan began. “You really know how to give a girl a few grey hairs, love!” 

Ducking his head, Blair apologised quietly. Although his whispered, “sorry Megan, Joel,” wasn’t actually required by either of them, both his friends couldn’t help but be pleased with the evidence of his gradual willingness to speak at last, although the words and phrases were as yet sparingly used and usually whispered as if he expected to be chastised or belittled for his audacity. 

Taking his hand, Megan confessed her growing feeling of disillusionment with the Exchange Programme, and admitted that she wanted to return to Australia. Holding up her hand to halt the immediate reactions of both her friends to her words, she continued by explaining how she had actually further explored her tentative idea of taking Blair back with her, and the post she had proposed be created for him. 

She asked both of them to hear her out, then, if it was agreed, she would go ahead and finalise the flight details. 

Blair was amazed to hear that apparently Megan’s old department had readily agreed to take her up on her suggestion to create a civilian consultant’s position for him, and he was both surprised and gratified to find that she had solicited and received glowing references for him from Eli Stoddard and Jack Kelso. 

She also stated that she expected him to live with her and her family until he was settled in and fit enough to take on his new position. Overwhelmed with gratitude for his friend’s efforts on his behalf, but also recognising that he was still heartbroken and depressed over the situation with Jim and his mother, nonetheless Blair admitted reluctantly that he would be foolish to turn down such an opportunity. 

Although disappointed that he would soon be losing both his Aussie colleague and his young houseguest, Joel, good man as he was, congratulated Blair on his decision to take up Megan’s offer, and promised to keep him informed of the goings on in the MCU, particularly where a certain Sentinel was concerned.   


\------------------------  


**Back at Joel’s house:**  


Megan parked up on Joel’s driveway, and rang the doorbell. Knowing that her young friend still had a tendency to be wary of answering the door (due no doubt to the several times he had fallen victim to intruders such as Lash and Warren Chapel) she called out loudly, “Hey Sandy, pull your bloody finger out and open up – it’s only me!” 

Almost as she finished speaking, the door cracked open and Blair peeped out with a shy smile for his visitor. “Joel’s already left for MC,” he whispered, opening the door wide to let Megan enter. 

“That’s OK, love” she replied. “I’m actually here to see you. I’ve been given the day off after dropping our little bombshell on Simon.” 

Frowning and biting his lower lip in worry, Blair couldn’t help but sympathise with the captain, even though he had reluctantly come to the conclusion that Simon’s friendship for him was in reality conditional on his continuing usefulness to the department in general and Jim in particular. 

“Don’t worry yourself, Sandy,” continued Megan kindly, patting him gently on the shoulder. “As soon as the flight confirmation’s through, that’s the last of the preparations dealt with, so all we’ve got to do is for me to hand in my official notice, pack up and go!” 

Still looking a little worried, Blair found a small but genuine smile for his friend and moved to the kitchen to make coffee. Looking over his shoulder he murmured quietly, “I can’t get over how good you and Joel have been to me, Megs. I honestly don’t think I would have made it without you. I promise to do my best to make this job work, just please don’t expect miracles in the mental health department. I--” 

“Hey,” she replied, interrupting him gently. “Neither of us did anything we didn’t want to do, love. I’d had enough of the department anyway. It’s past time for me to go home, and who better to go with but my best friend? Joel loves you dearly, but he’d be the last person to try to hold you back. He just wants to see you OK, if not ecstatically happy. He’s also promised to keep an eye on Jim for you, so you shouldn’t worry about Ellison zoning or anything.” 

Taking in her friend’s wry expression, she continued, “OK, OK, I know it’s too much to ask that you not worry about the big jerk, but I really hope the change of scene will help you to at least find some measure of peace.” 

Sighing, Blair looked at the floor before saying, “I know, Megs, and I truly appreciate all you have done for me. Just don’t expect an instant recovery OK? But I promise to do the best I can.” 

“And that’s all I need to know, love,” came the warm reply. 

Turning back to the counter, he poured the freshly brewed coffee into two mugs and limped carefully over to the kitchen table where the friends sat silently enjoying a mutual sense of camaraderie.  


\------------------------  


**Chapter 8. All Hell breaks loose:**  


Two days later Megan and Joel entered the bullpen together. Joel moved to his office with an encouraging smile for his friend, while Megan made her way directly to Bank’s office, passing Jim’s desk, where a grim-looking Ellison frowned at something on his computer. 

Barely acknowledging the Aussie, he glared at the screen as if he could frighten the information out of it. Uncomfortably aware of the increasingly unfriendly attitude towards him by the department in general, he nevertheless succumbed to temptation and opened his hearing enough to eavesdrop on the conversation taking place between Megan and his Captain. 

What he heard shocked him out of his self-imposed icy control and he swung round to face the Australian as she emerged from the office. 

“Just what are you playing at, Connor?” he hissed, pushing himself to his feet. “I don’t give a rat’s ass if you’re going back where you came from – fucking good riddance to you – but no way are you taking Sandburg with you…!” 

“Screw you, Ellison!” was the growled response, whilst the whole bullpen fell silent, eagerly soaking up every word of the exchange. 

“You know what I want to know?” Megan continued, deliberately raising her voice. “I want to know how you can shaft your best friend and partner by letting him lie for you – trash his whole career and credibility to protect your pathetic ‘secret’”. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” snarled the Sentinel, furious and frightened at this sudden ‘outting’. 

“You selfish bugger!” Megan grated disgustedly, waving her arms to encompass the whole bullpen. “How the bloody hell did you think you could hide your so-called ‘special advantage’? These blokes are _detectives,_ for God’s sake – I’m sure even the dumbest has figured out by now that you have some sort of edge! Sandy fell on his sword for nothing, you rat bastard!” she ended in a shout. 

In the utter silence that followed her outburst, Rhonda’s shocked gasp and pained comment, “Oh, poor Blair!” was easily heard by one and all. 

Jim, reacting as expected by using attack as the best form of defence, advanced on his former colleague, demanding angrily, “What the fuck do you know about it?” whilst also glaring round the bullpen to assess the possibility of attacks from other quarters. 

Ignoring Simon, who had emerged from his office in response to the ruckus, Megan’s response this time was ground out, but no less easily audible to everyone present. 

“What I _do_ know is that you’re a selfish sod, and it wasn’t _Sandy_ who was the liar and fraud in this department!” Turning away, she snarled dismissively, “It isn’t always about _you,_ Ellison! You fucked up Sandy’s life, and now you’re fucking his mother!” 

As the bullpen erupted despite Simon’s bellowed demands for silence, Jim reached out and grabbed the Aussie’s shoulder in an attempt to halt her exit. Unfortunately it was the one only recently healed from Zeller’s bullet, and still prone to painful twinges. 

Wincing in pain, nevertheless Connor gritted her teeth, and, subjecting Jim to her iciest glare, she marched out of the bullpen, slamming the door behind her. 

Using all the power at his command, Simon roared “Quiet, everyone! Ellison, my office, NOW!”  


\-----------------------------  


**Part 2: 5 years later:**  


**New South Wales.**  


**Chapter 9 – Blair:**  


The passage of time following Blair’s relocation to Australia passed relatively smoothly for the most part, mainly due to Blair’s stubborn refusal to give in to the ever-present threat of brooding and depression. 

Possessed of an inner strength of character with which few in Major Crimes would have credited the ‘hippy punk’, it was only on rare occasions when he could no longer immerse himself fully in a frantic lifestyle and heavy work-load. During those - thankfully infrequent – episodes, he was unable to keep his deeper thoughts and loneliness at bay, and was drawn unwillingly into bouts of misery and dark dreams filled with memories of Jim and the unrequited love he had left behind in Cascade. 

On those occasions he tried very hard to resist the conscious contemplation of his mother’s actions – that path was altogether too beset by demons for him to bear. 

Sad and quiet when he first moved in with Megan’s large family, their welcoming kindness and acceptance, and his own innate spirit gradually spurred him into taking control of his life again. Treated as a sort of adopted younger son or brother, he once again found himself revitalised, and able to throw himself into creating a new life for himself, unwilling to throw the opportunities created for him by his good friends back in their faces. 

Rewriting the alternative dissertation on closed societies to include data drawn from the Australian Police Department he was attached to as well as the large amount already gathered from the Cascade PD, Blair finally submitted and achieved his Doctorate. 

Although something of an anticlimax compared with the huge sense of achievement he would undoubtedly have felt should he have been able to submit the ‘sentinel’ dissertation, nonetheless he was aware that the qualification was necessary to grant him the sort of credibility he needed to successfully pursue the position of civilian consultant within the New South Wales police department. 

He also committed himself to taking further classes in profiling and forensic anthropology, such that, in a remarkably short time, his successes led to him being in constant demand by other departments. 

He also tried to consciously ‘reinvent’ himself to a certain extent in order to further separate himself from the life he had left behind. Wearing his hair somewhat shorter (although still a mop of curls), he replaced the hoops in his ear with studs, and adopted a more conservative style of dress. 

His naturally empathic and gentle personality ensured that he didn’t want for company, although he remained shy of commitment, preferring to keep relationships superficial. Knowing that any potential partner, either male or female, would be second best in his affections, and having ‘been there, done that and got the T shirt’, there was no way he would want to put anyone through the sort of pain he had endured. 

Thus he remained single, enjoying the companionship of his colleagues, his ‘best friend’ Megan and her family and friends, steadfastly forcing himself – successfully for the most part – not to wallow in self-pity or endlessly and uselessly ponder on the what-might-have-beens. 

All-in-all it was a more or less satisfactory life. He could admit to a certain sense of achievement, and so what if at times he was also forced to recognise a certain emptiness in the relationship department? He was mostly content, and able to enjoy a kind of peace. 

Unfortunately, Fate conspired to destroy his hard-won contentment, in such a way that he was to find himself completely shaken to his very core once again….  


\-----------------------  


**Back in Cascade:**  


**Chapter 10 – Jim:**  


Jim entered the loft, his shoulders drooping with exhaustion, running his hand over a face dragged down with stress and fatigue. Dropping his keys in the basket by the door, he hung up his coat, turning with a sigh to face an empty loft, which felt as cold and impersonal as the days BS – before Sandburg. (Blair, that was.) 

Knowing that he ought to eat, but without the energy to do anything about it, he grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and plopped down on the sofa in front of the TV. Picking up the remote and channel-surfing for a while, he found himself unable to concentrate on any of the offered programmes, so switched off again in disgust. 

Laying his weary head back against the sofa cushions, he allowed himself to think back over the years following his Guide’s departure. 

Initially hurt and nursing a deep resentment of Blair’s perceived betrayal both on his own account and Naomi’s; passing time and circumstances had combined to mellow his view such that he was forced to recognise his and Naomi’s own roles in driving a wedge between him and his colleagues, and create an apparently unbridgeable chasm between himself and the Guide he now realised that he had always loved. 

At the workplace, although Simon remained a stalwart friend and supporter, Megan’s final outburst in the bullpen had served to bring to a head the anger and resentment at his behaviour from the detectives he had considered to be his friends. 

Hurt and baffled by their disgust at his treatment of Blair, he retreated into himself, returning to the cold hard-ass of pre-Blair days, shunning them in favour of losing himself in his new wife’s company. 

In truth, there were some members of the PD who had been glad to see the back of Blair, convinced that the grad student hadn’t belonged there anyway, but, to his credit, Jim rebuffed their overtures of friendship also, allowing Naomi to become the centre of his world. 

As it turned out, the revelation of his senses was no more than a 9 day wonder with Blair gone. Since the senses themselves grew less and less reliable over time without the grounding of his Guide, Jim began to use them only on increasingly rare occasions where he was reasonably sure he could control them. 

As far as the DA’s office were concerned there was no problem in admitting evidence gathered by this means, as, although still unpublished, Blair’s dissertation had been studied and the senses were understood to be a normal genetic variation and therefore acceptable. Jim was neither Superman nor a freak of nature after all, just as Blair had always maintained. 

Sighing once again, Jim contemplated how he had even let the budding relationship with his father and brother wither and die. Following the press conference, both William and Steven had become much more sympathetic towards Sandburg, appreciating his sacrifice on Jim’s behalf. They were not impressed therefore by Jim and Naomi’s blossoming relationship and less-than-satisfactory treatment of Blair, such that, on the rare occasions when they met, interchanges between them remained cool and barely polite on all sides. 

However, while he could rely on Naomi’s undivided attention, Jim was able to persuade himself that he neither wanted nor needed family or friends, being happy to do his job to the best of his ability then coming home to his wife. 

Shunning most PD social occasions, and convincing himself that he didn’t miss the camaraderie of poker nights, he only realised what he had lost when he found himself once again alone. 

After two years of immersing himself in the strange and wonderful world according to Naomi, Jim found himself completely devastated to realise that his wife’s attention was finally wandering again, and that she was rapidly growing restless. 

In fairness to Naomi, two years represented a record in terms of her understanding of commitment, but the novelty of ‘permanence’ and being a policeman’s wife had palled, particularly as Blair remained estranged from them both. Succumbing to the siren call of pastures new and fresh challenges, Naomi cheerfully ‘detached with love’, leaving behind a devastated Jim, who was belatedly and unwillingly forced to accept at last his ex-wife’s superficial and self-centred personality. 

Meanwhile, although Blair had found himself unable to contact either Jim or his mother directly, he had maintained contact with his friends in the MCU via email, particularly Joel, who passed on the details of his progress Down Under and, in turn, provided the latest gossip from the bullpen. He never failed to enquire after Jim, and wanted to be kept up to speed on the Sentinel’s activities, offering advice where appropriate should there be any mention of problems with the senses. 

At first rudely dismissive of Joel’s attempts to communicate his Guide’s news and concerns regarding his Sentinel’s health and happiness, Jim was eventually forced to recognise the depth of Blair’s commitment towards him despite his shabby treatment of the young man and the vast geographical distance between them. He therefore began to actually look forward to these occasional snippets of information which Joel good-naturedly continued to provide. 

After his initial hurt and angry reaction to Naomi’s desertion had subsided enough, Jim gradually managed to get his thoughts and emotions into some sort of perspective, and was eventually able to re-evaluate his attitude towards others with a certain amount of objectivity. 

He analysed his actions before and after the release of the dissertation, recognising that the problems between himself and Blair had begun long before that debacle. Blair may have made some serious errors of judgement in the Alex Barnes affair, but he had more than paid the penalty by his drowning in the fountain. What was even worse, he had returned at Jim’s demand only to have Jim throw the gift of his total commitment back in his face, with a poor joke about back rent and a comment to the effect that his Sentinel wasn’t ready to take that step with him. 

Realising at long last that Blair had been right on the nail with his description of fear-based responses, Jim could accept now that his Guide’s love for him was, in fact, mutual, and that he had, in effect, consciously substituted a more socially acceptable Sandburg for the one he truly wanted and needed. 

Alone again, but resigned to make the best of his life, Jim continued to do his job to the best of his ability, gradually realising that the attitudes of the ‘old guard’ in the bullpen had softened towards him over the years, so that, if not considered to be a friend, at least he was no longer a pariah. 

With social interaction reduced to the occasional beer or Jags game with Simon, he could now at least maintain a polite working relationship with the rest of the MC gang. 

Little did he know, however, that an event on another continent was about to upend his lonely existence once again.  


\--------------------------  


**Part 3: The Accident:**  


**Chapter 11 – Blair:**  


The event that was to have such a shattering impact on the lives of both Sentinel and Guide occurred on a beautiful summer’s day shortly after Blair moved into his new apartment complex. 

Seeing that it was the weekend, so he didn’t have to report for duty, Blair decided to make the most of his free time by looking through his personal observations of a particularly frustrating case the department was currently working on. Donning a pair of swim shorts, and grabbing the file, suntan lotion and light-sensitive reading glasses, he settled himself beside the pool he shared with the other inhabitants of the complex. 

Loving the heat, but wary of exposing himself to too much UV, he positioned his lounger in the shade of the lush courtyard greenery and began to study the case notes resting on his lap. Barely into the first page, he was surprised by a cheerful voice. 

“Hey, Sandy!” Smiling, Megan walked into the courtyard, and leaning down, kissed him on the cheek. “I’m just off to meet Mike – how’d you fancy a drive to the country?” 

Grinning, Blair shook his head. “Thanks, but no thanks, Megs,” he replied. “I so do not want to get in the way,” he leered suggestively, waggling his eyebrows at his friend. He truly appreciated the offer, but really did not want to put the dampers on what he was sure was a budding romance between Megan and her latest police partner. 

“Go, enjoy!” he said expansively, waving his free hand in friendly dismissal. “But I do want to hear every detail on Monday,” he added, innuendo obvious in both tone and cheeky grin. 

“Oh, you daft drongo!” laughed Megan, trying unsuccessfully for a snippy comeback. “No worries, mate – I’ll give you all the gory details, promise! Now, don’t work too hard - and DON’T get burned!” she ordered, pointing at him with a mock-scowl. Turning on her heel, she waved in farewell and walked out of the yard to her awaiting car. 

Chuckling to himself, Blair returned to his notes.  


\----------------------  


A little after two hours later, the phone rang in his apartment while Blair pottered around his kitchen fixing himself a cold drink. The caller proved to be his department boss at the PD, informing him in a voice roughened with emotion that Inspector Connor had been killed outright in a head-on collision, and could Blair go over to the family home? 

Clutching the handset with all his strength, Blair squeezed his eyes shut and tried to squelch the sob that threatened to escape. Over the roaring in his ears, he finally registered the anxious voice on the other end of the line. 

“Dr Sandburg! Blair! Are you there? Are you OK?” 

Opening his eyes and pulling himself together with every last ounce of self-control, he finally croaked out, “Yeah, yeah, ‘m here. ‘M on my way…,” before unceremoniously replacing the handset. 

Gripping the counter until his knuckles showed white, he took several deep breaths before going to his bedroom to don jeans and T shirt. Shoving his feet into battered trainers, he grabbed his car keys and locked up the apartment on autopilot before setting out for the Connor family home. Concentrating fiercely on driving, he steadfastly refused to think beyond the journey, knowing that the second he allowed himself to explore his own emotions he was going to fly apart…. 

The days leading up to his friend’s funeral were dark indeed. 

Blair, tightly reining in his own feelings, provided as much comfort and support to the bereaved family in his power, doing his utmost to alleviate some of their pain. Once the event was over, after being hugged and thanked over and over again by the tearful but grateful family members, Blair quietly drove back to his own place and finally gave himself permission to grieve. 

Plopping down on his sofa, he buried his face in his hands and gave himself up completely to the floods of tears he had denied himself thus far. Moaning in grief, he cried for what felt like hours until he could cry no more, then, emotionally and physically exhausted, he slumped over to his side and fell into a restless sleep.  


\------------------------  


Some while later, Blair raised his reddened and bleary-eyed face to the vision of a blue-tinged jungle. Shaking himself, he crawled to his knees, then to his feet. 

“Oh man,” he whispered to himself. “This has got to be a dream!” 

Taking stock of blue foliage and becoming aware of a crawly feeling over his naked skin, he cautiously raised his head to see a dense grove immediately before him. Succumbing to a deep-seated urge to move forward, he took a shaky step, followed by another and another until he reached a gap in the foliage, to confront the vine-covered temple of his worst nightmares. 

“No, No. No!” he whimpered. “Don’t want to go there, CAN’T go there! Not needed!” 

Sinking to the ground, and wrapping his arms around his head, he huddled down making himself as small as possible. 

Glimpses of surprisingly strong, but slender, gun-wielding hands flashed before his eyes, followed immediately by pain-filled struggles and a sense of resignation as he succumbed reluctantly to the inevitable and ceased to fight. Convinced at last that his Sentinel no longer needed him, he let go, and finally accepted his watery fate. 

However, seconds later, a fully tangible Incacha appeared, apparently following a completely different agenda. Shouldering aggressively straight into the young shaman’s vision, he yanked the despondent Guide to his feet, turning him to face the miserable, mangy black panther slinking slowly into the glade. 

“Who? What…?” the Guide shook himself and turned from Incacha to the panther and back. 

“This is _your_ choice,” said the spirit Chopec shaman, with a gentle smile. “Either you embrace your role as Guide to this Sentinel, or you return to your new life. Enquiri will accept your decision, but know now that neither of you will reach your full potential unless the bond _is_ mutual”. 

“Gee! Way to influence our options!” came the quiet but snarky response. 

Incacha simply smiled complacently, and faded away into the background. 

Shrugging, Blair simply turned to face the panther, and opened his arms in complete acceptance. 

“Here, kitty,” he murmured, smiling softly, to be rewarded by the panther launching itself eagerly into his willing embrace.…  


\----------------------------------  


**Part 4: Reunion:**  


**Chapter 12 – Jim:**  


Back in Cascade, Jim was growing increasingly restless, spidey-senses tingling and gradually convincing him that something was very wrong in his Guide’s world. 

After a sleepless night, he recognised, without being able to articulate it, his deep-seated conviction that his Guide was in great distress. So saying, he reached for the phone and called Simon, who, as well as being his boss at the PD, was still one of the only people with whom he was able to really explain his Sentinel/Guide feelings. 

Despite that, Jim was well aware that Simon was also prone to bouts of spontaneous spluttering reaction and denial, such that Jim knew better than to impart any such ‘spidey’ information out of the blue without a suitably cautious introduction. 

Having said that, this was one majorly ‘spidey’ situation which most definitely couldn’t wait for his boss’s possible histrionics. Jim therefore gritted his teeth and speed-dialled Simon’s number, having already booked his airline ticket to Australia, and having confirmed his Guide’s contact details through Joel and the New South Wales PD. 

Many hours later, Jim landed in Australia, trying desperately to control the headache-from-hell with which airline travel without his Guide always left him. Ignoring as irrelevant Simon’s none-too-quiet objections over the phone, Jim had left for the airport, and boarded the first flight he could secure to Canberra. 

Picking up his luggage from the carousel, he left the airport and hired a cab to take him to Blair’s address. 

Taking little interest in the passing scenery, other than noting that it seemed to be at least warm and generally green, the Sentinel concentrated on both controlling his mega headache and sensing his Guide. 

Approaching a pleasant low-level apartment complex, Jim was both startled and reassured that he was finally able to feel his Guide’s presence. He was both relieved and gratified to find that his senses felt sharper and more controllable than they had been since his Guide’s hurried departure, and accepted this fact as even more solid proof that he and Blair were meant to be together. 

On the down-side, his Guide’s primary emotional output was of extreme sorrow and distress, so, after throwing what was no doubt an over-generous tip to the taxi driver, Jim hammered on the door of the block’s concierge to gain entry to his Guide’s apartment. 

A scarce few minutes later, thanks to the obsequious response of the caretaker in question, Jim found himself in the tiny hallway of Blair’s apartment. Impatiently dismissing the concierge, Jim pushed his way into the apartment’s main room, to see his Guide curled up on the overstuffed sofa. 

Pausing to catalogue his Guide’s physical and mental state, sentinel eyes easily picked up the young man’s dishevelled clothing and tear-swollen eyelids. Although apparently asleep, Blair looked exhausted, as if he had literally cried himself out. Even unconscious, he appeared devastated, and Jim could smell the sour scent of his misery. 

Taking a couple of calming breaths, Jim crossed the small room to his Guide’s side. Sitting as carefully as possible next to the small figure, he gently took hold of Blair’s shoulders and encouraged him to curl up against Jim’s side. Cuddling the young man to him, he was pleased when a smaller hand clutched at his shirtfront and held on tightly, whilst settling himself back comfortably to wait for his long-lost partner to awaken. 

A few hours later, with night falling outside, Blair gradually roused from what had finally turned out to be a healing and dream-free sleep. Trying to force open sticky eyelids, he wondered why the arm of the sofa felt so warm and yet hard beneath his face. Huh! Hard? 

Raising his head far more quickly than was really sensible in his still shaky state, he stared open-mouthed and wide-eyed at his Sentinel, against whose chest he was cuddled. Jim smiled down at him, his face full of gentle concern tinged with uncertainty, as if he wasn’t quite sure of Blair’s reaction. 

Although Blair knew he should be quietly freaking out under the circumstances, and was well aware that, once he’d gotten his act together he would have many questions to ask, right now he was too tired and grateful to do anything more than lay his head back down against Jim’s chest and hang on for dear life. Jim smiled to hear him whisper sentinel-soft, “You knew. You came for me…love you….” 

After another short nap, Blair roused himself. He desperately needed the bathroom, and had become aware that the tempting aroma of freshly-brewed coffee was calling to him. Looking over to where Jim had made himself at home in the small kitchen, he stumbled to his feet and headed towards his bedroom, murmuring, “Hey, Jim,” as he opened the door and made straight for the closet-sized bathroom. 

After using the facilities, he stripped himself of his grungy clothing and stepped into the shower, in an effort to wake himself up. He almost jumped out of his skin when a large, beautifully sculpted and very naked body slid into the small cubicle with him. 

“Hope you don’t mind sharing, Chief,” Jim murmured enticingly, smiling down on the smaller man. “I heard that Australia is hot enough to have water shortages, so I thought we could help save the planet together”. 

“Not sure whether this area qualifies, man,” he replied, peeking shyly up at Jim through his lashes. “But I’m all for economising any way I can.” 

He offered up a small smile, which felt like the first in too many days, and almost purred in contentment as Jim began to wash him gently and thoroughly. He was happy to reciprocate, but Jim shook his head. “Not this time, Chief. You’re still a bit shaky here, and I want to get some coffee and food inside you, then we can talk.” 

Dropping a small kiss on the end of his Guide’s nose to counteract the disappointment threatening to spread across the beautiful face, he reached for a towel and began to dry Blair before quickly finishing off his own shower. 

Clean and comfortable in sweats and T shirts, they sat at the small kitchen table with mugs of coffee and plates of eggs and toast. Although Jim knew that his Guide probably wouldn’t have much of an appetite yet, he wanted try and get as much food as possible into the younger man. 

After eating as much as he felt he could manage, Blair helped Jim with the clean up, then they both retired once again to the sofa, where Jim wasted no time in reaching for the smaller man, settling him comfortably in his arms in preparation for the promised talk. Not one to waste the unlooked-for opportunity, Blair poured out his anguish over Megan’s loss, to find himself comforted when Jim held him close and admitted his own grief at her premature death. 

Much as he had resented being the target of the Aussie Inspector’s anger and scathing comments in the bullpen, over the intervening years he was able to consider her actions more rationally, and had been forced to admit that she had been a Godsend for his hurting Guide. Treated so shabbily by Naomi and Jim, Blair had badly needed the support of such a staunch friend. 

After shedding a few more tears, both Sentinel and Guide were able to continue their discussion, this time covering the much thornier and difficult subject of Jim’s behaviour and his reasoning for choosing Naomi over Blair. 

Taking a deep breath, and a few moments to centre himself (and how Blair-like was that? he thought to himself) he began. 

“Look Chief, I know very well that talking isn’t my favourite thing, but I think you deserve to know how I was feeling and my reasoning behind my decisions--” 

“Ah, Jim…” began Blair, only to be halted by Jim raising his hand and touching his fingers to his Guide’s lips. 

“No, Chief” he said. “Please hear me out. I don’t think I can do this again in a hurry, and I need to get it off my chest. I’m really hoping here that we can make this relationship work, and I need to let you know everything. I’ve had a good long time to think things through, and I’m finally ready to confront the issue”. 

“OK, Jim,” replied Blair, taking Jim’s hand in both of his. “I’ll try not to interrupt, but you have to know how hard that can be for me,” he finished with a small smile. 

Jim stared at the floor for a few more moments, then, turning to face his guide, he began. Slowly at first, then gathering momentum as his confidence grew. 

“Chief, there are one or two things I have to explain first so you’ll know where I’m coming from,” he said. 

“Do you remember telling me about the whole pheromone thing after Laura? Well, what I never told you was that I could smell them on you, but never even considered that it was because of me. I mean, there you were chasing every skirt in sight, so why on earth would you be looking at me like that? Also, I’d become accustomed to using your scent as a baseline for my senses. 

“When Naomi visited, and you found us up in the bedroom looking at your baby pictures, I realised that her scent was very similar to yours. Not exactly, and not really as effective, but I thought that maybe I could manage to get by on her scent. It seemed to be a reasonable plan, ‘cos she made it very clear that she was interested in me, and I really tried to convince myself that it was for the best. 

“I’m so sorry, Chief. I only really and truly understood what I’d done to you after the badge offer. It wasn’t so much ignoring the signals you were giving off, as being wilfully blind because I didn’t want to believe that you could want me that way. I’m so sorry I hurt you, Blair. You deserved so much better from me, and from your Mom.” 

“Oh, Jim,” whispered Blair, wiping a stray tear off his cheek. “I’m sorry too. I know I overreacted, but I couldn’t help myself. I was so excited about the badge, because I figured that you must really want me in some capacity. I’ve always known that I come a poor second to anyone Mom fixates on, but I was always able to deal. This time though, I just couldn’t. I simply couldn’t accept her taking you, especially as I was pretty sure that she’d leave you eventually. Two years, man; that’s got to be a record for her to stay in one place. I guess in her way that’s as good as admitting you were really special to her for a while”. 

Upset on Jim’s behalf for his mother’s desertion, Blair was honest enough to admit to feeling gratitude on his own part for her lack of fidelity. He was also hurt that she had apparently never attempted to contact him, (although admittedly he hadn’t been very active in that department himself). 

At least he had tried to glean what information he could as regards her health and whereabouts through various circuitous routes such as his emails to his old friends at the MCU. It would appear that she was off somewhere no doubt processing and meditating, and in spite of everything that had happened between them, Blair still wished her well, even if he was human enough to hope that she never approached himself or Jim again. 

Eventually both men found that the forthright exchange of opinions and mistaken beliefs provided a kind of catharsis, so that a measure of peace was achieved. Whereas full reconciliation would be some time in coming, with both needing to give and receive forgiveness, the two men were united in the knowledge that they should be partners in all things, and that it was time to consider what the future had to offer them. 

Pausing periodically during their lengthy discussion for drinks and snacks, they fell once again into their comfortable routine, moving around each other in the limited space of the kitchen as if they had never been apart. 

Moving out to enjoy the cooler evening air by the pool, armed with cold beers, they finally reached the point of mulling over what steps to take to secure their future. 

Blair admitted that he had no wish to stay in Australia with Megan gone, although it would be hard for him to leave his consultant’s position, and he would be eternally grateful for the warm welcome and acceptance he had received during his stay. 

Jim felt that with his Guide’s several years of profiling under his belt, as well as achieving his Doctorate and his years of experience watching his Sentinel’s back in Cascade, there should be no difficulty in finding a suitable position in the PD. There was also the possibility of returning to Rainier, since Chancellor Edwards was long gone, and Eli Stoddard had made it very plain that he would willingly sponsor Blair for a tenured position in the Anthropology Department. 

As far as Jim was concerned, he wasn’t altogether convinced that he wanted to stay in the Cascade PD, or more particularly, in the MCU anyway. Although hardly in his dotage, he still felt that maybe it was time to move on to some other, less hazardous means of protecting the tribe, such as setting themselves up as Private Investigators or security consultants? 

Blair’s response was immediate and heartfelt, and left his Sentinel smiling fondly at him. “Oh man, no _way_ are you old, but I have to say I like the idea of you getting out of the firing line! We’ve just found each other again, man, and I’m _so_ not losing you again anytime soon!” 

Pulling Blair over and down on to the same sun lounger and hugging his Guide to him, Jim kissed him gently but passionately, not caring one whit if any of the other residents saw them. The future at last looked brighter for the pair of them, just as it should be for a committed Sentinel and Guide.   


**The End** 34 


End file.
